Out in the fertility world and especially rampant in the cyber communities is a phrase the Two Week Wait, or more affectionately abbreviated 2WW. It is the topic of multiple pregnancy/infertility/trying to conceive discussion boards because the two week wait can be brutal. It is those two weeks in between ovulation and, fingers crossed, a positive pregnancy test. Those two weeks can take a lifetime to pass by for those that are hoping to conceive.
However, in our house, the real two week wait is the two weeks AFTER a positive pregnancy test. Positive pregnancy tests are easier to come by here than being able to carry and grow the baby, so for this reason, I find the two weeks after to be the longest, hardest weeks. There are always a series of 3 blood draws spaced exactly 48 hours apart each to check HCG, the pregnancy hormone, and an intake call with a nurse that reviews my fertility history. Most recently when I was speaking with this nurse she said to me, “oh is see, this is your 8th pregnancy – you have been through quite a few of these calls so I will try to make this as swift for you as possible.” Finally, I felt like she got it – typically they make me review everyone one of my pregnancies and thank goodness she didn’t make me relive all of those. BUT it’s not like my losses are ever very far from my mind. In fact, they just circle every one of my thoughts until by the end of the two weeks I am so convinced that I am not going to be having a baby that I feel ill.
That’s exactly what led up to today. The earliest I can go in for an ultrasound is 7 weeks, when it is highly probable that we will be able to see a baby on the screen. So, for the last 3 weeks and 3 days (much longer than two weeks this time around!) I have been doing my best to stay positive for my own sanity but also for the health of the baby. Slowly that went downhill the last few days. We had a celebration for Thomn on Saturday and after that was over, I no longer had a million details that I was trying to coordinate and take up my brain space. So instead, my brain began analyzing how I am feeling and if it is any different than when I had S and T. By the time I reached this morning the knot was so large in my stomach that I didn’t have much of an appetite and I thought we would never reach the time for my appointment. But alas we did. Thomn and I waited as patiently as possible for our appointment after being shown into the room. There waiting for us was the ultrasound machine, our ever-present friend that determines our fate in a matter of moments. In walked the doctor and after both a transvaginal ultrasound and an abdominal ultrasound it was determined that the shadow from my bladder was too large to see anything. So, more waiting. After getting dressed, using the bathroom and returning back to the room we were able to see a tiny baby – measuring 6 weeks 5 days and the flicker of a heartbeat. Everyone in the room agreed – this baby should be named Baby Flicker.
A follow up appointment will hopefully confirm what we are wishing for in our hearts…to be a family of 5, complete with a baby flicker.
