For years I have wanted to do this. To start a blog, write a book, find an outlet for the feelings that have built up and receded and have come crashing back in time and time again.  In between these moments I have been busy living and enjoying a full life, one that I hope finds its way into this conversation as time progresses.

It is startling to hear of the number of people that have experienced the same heartbreak that I have gone through.  Many times it is after I have decided to share that I have had a miscarriage.  Some quietly tell me that they have gone through the same thing, others share a look and I can see the pain in their eyes and the scar on their heart.

As you get to know me, I hope you feel open to sharing your own stories…if you wish.  My wish is to find an outlet for my feelings, but to also share my story with all of you.  If even one of you finds some solace and comfort in my words, that will be enough.

Why now?  Why do I feel the need to break the silence you may ask?  After my first miscarriage, I was embarrassed and I felt completely out of control of my own life.  After my second miscarriage, I felt utterly ashamed.  How is it that one of the main abilities my body should have has failed me…again?  By my third miscarriage I felt angry.  Angry enough to start talking about it and letting out my rage.  Oddly enough, I found that as soon as I began to let my feelings out that the healing began to take place.  I realized that I have nothing to be ashamed of, this is just part of my story and only a small part of who I am.  But why is it that we are trained to feel so ashamed when we experience a loss?  At a time when we need to be embraced by those around us and loved more than ever we allow an environment that tells us we aren’t good enough. I am no less a woman because my body has trouble supporting pregnancies.  I am instead, the same person I have always been…with a few miles under my belt down this miscarriage road.  So here I am: 5 lost babies, 1 healthy and loving toddler at home, and a whole lot of life and love in between.