Last night I formally resigned from my job and, to tell you the truth, I am a little heartbroken. I really really love my job.  Six years ago, I helped build the hotel from the ground up, along with the teammates that work there.  It is the first time that I have had such a passion for, not only what I do, but with whom I do it, that I enjoy going to work every day.  Sure, a snowstorm here and there makes me rethink my life…and I have never been a big fan of my commute, but in general, I love what I do.  I have had the conversation with my boss many months ago and it has been my plan, to come back after maternity leave but in a different capacity and only a few days a week.  So, when he called me earlier in the week that he needed it in writing in order to move forward with things, I agreed.  However, when it came down to it, I couldn’t write the words.  Each night I crafted the words in my head and planned to send the email, but I just couldn’t do it.

But then I put myself on the other side for the millionth time and thought about what would happen if I didn’t resign.  Just like always, it became clear.  I want this time with my kids.  Yes, I have had a few days that have put me through hell already, but that doesn’t mean that I would trade this time with them for anything.  S is already two and stringing sentences and thoughts together in a way that blows my mind and I don’t want to miss another moment of it.  I have an incredible opportunity to be with T4 in a way that I wasn’t with S when she was a baby. I have struggled plenty as I wonder if I am enough for the two of them…enough so that I have a post from months ago that you can read here. So, as heartbroken as I feel in this moment about stepping down at the hotel, I am in love with the idea of my new life.  Call me a stay at home mom, domestic engineer (Thomn’s favorite), anything you like, this is my new life.